Hogan's Zeroes

By Jonny Rokket

Oh the crazy life of those nutty Hogan's. Throw in one wrestling icon, his overly surgically top-heavy wife, car racing son and pop diva daughter and you're bound to have the above-average family. Right? Well it appears that aside from being a tab bit nutty, Hulk Hogan and fam are far from your above average family. They obviously have problems like everyone else.

Looks like the "born but not raised" in Augusta wrestler has been the topic of mondo media outlets this week as the ongoing battle between the biggest arms in the family and the biggest, well, bumpers in the family continues. With son Nick in jail for the next few months on a reckless driving charge that left passenger John Graziano permanently disabled as well as a suit pending by Graziano's family, it seems Linda Hogan is more obsessed with making Hulk's life miserable. How so? By forcing the Hulkster to close the deal on a 4.3 million dollar condo the couple planned to buy a couple of years back. This prompted one of Hulk's attorneys, Dave Houston, to comment "we feel that, based upon the current reality of this family litigation surrounding the Graziano claim, that it is offensive and irresponsible to suggest that Terry Bollea should be compelled to purchase a $4.3 million pleasure palace so his wife has a place to go and party when she is in Las Vegas two or three times a year." Wonder where those chips will fall.

While the elder Hogan's squabble Nick Hogan, who is probably wondering why his family hasn't taken the time to come by and visit more often, spends the days contemplating his actions and reading letters from Stepahie Ragusa, a former teacher in jail for having sex with some of her former students. Pen pals perhaps? Maybe an after jail party rendezvous trip to Mexico is in the works? More lessons to be learned by the Nickster.

All the while the only sane one of the bunch (who woulda thought?) moves on with her own new reality show: Brooke Knows Best which is set to premiere Sunday July 13th at 10PM. (Aren't most of her fans usually tucked in bed by then?) In this new show Brooke moves into a hip 2,000 square foot Miami penthouse with two friends, Miley Cyrus look-a-like Ashley and gay best friend Glenn. The eldest Hogan, ever protective of baby Brooke goes so far to install deadbolt locks on the penthouse and even asks Glenn "On a scale of 1 to 10, how gay are you?", to which Glenn replies "10". So what does a gay guy do when two straight gals decide to party. Who knows but in some instances, he probably won't be watching! Two straight girls and one gay dude in one apartment? We've seen this show before, I think it was called "Three's Company".

So all in all it would appear that the tv show Hogan Knows Best is pretty much dead in the water unless Hogan decides to shack up with Brookes older friend or Linda gets more serious with her reported 19-year-old boy toy. What will Hulk fans do now? How will Brian Nobbs pay his bills? Will Nick get to "continue his education"? Will Linda EVER get to party in her Vegas condo and forget about her family even more? We'll just have to keep watching Hogan's Zeroes...cuz obviously Hogan DOESN'T Know Best!