Augusta Under In-House Arrest?

by Jonny Rokket

So the WWE is bringing yet another house show to the area this Sunday, July 13th via WWE presents the Smackdown/ECW Summerslam Tour.

Well whoopty friggin' damn doo.

Promo materials have mentioned matches and appearances by such wrestlers as Jeff Hardy, Edge, Tommy Dreamer,. ECW Champion Mark Henry, United States Champion Matt Hardy, MVP, Shelton Benjamin, Kennedy, The Great Khali, WWE Tag Team Champions The Miz & John Morrison, Finlay, Hornswoggle, Michelle McCool, Jesse & Festus, and Victoria. Aside from possibly Jeff Hardy, Edge, and Kennedy, the rest of these "names" could make up a barely good list for a wrestler rummage sale. That's only due to Dreamer's ability to still hold a bamboo bat.

If it wasn't for the Jeff Hardy/Edge Challenge match, this event would have all the lustre of midget pony racing. (not that there's anything wrong with that!) After all, watching the advertised Matt Hardy/Mark Henry ECW Title match would be the equivalent of sitting through a farting contest between FCW's John Malus and The Common Man. Not a pretty sight at all.

Someone told me earlier today, "Mad props to the Augusta Chronicle for putting wrestling on the cover of today's Applause section." Yeah I guess if you wanna give out mad props for an article about a guy once suspended for violating the WWE's illegal substance policy titled "ECW's John Morrison: A brainy brawler." In this article Morrison is quoted as saying "My thinking has evolved." It's a no-brainer that suspension would get a guy at least wondering.

So the Chronicle put wrestling on the cover of The Applause. There's pretty decent, not to mention much cheaper, family wrestling going on the night before at Patriots Park. So why wasn't the Common Man put on the cover? Right! I forgot...the whole farting thing.

Let Jonny Rokket do the math for you.

Tickets for Sundays event are $21-$51. Throw in another $10 plus for snacks and a drink and you can forget having lunch money the next day if you even feel like eating while at work after hanging out until 10PM or later the night before.

Saturday night you can take the family to Patriots Park and the most you'll pay per person is $7 plus the little monsters under 5 get in free. For under $3 you can get a hotdog, drink and even some candy. Top price per person? $10.

Even the merch is cheaper and you have Sunday to recover.

Do the math.

It Ain't Rokket Science Folks.

If you just have to, you can check out the Applause article at:
http://chronicle.augusta.com/stories/071008/ent_465099.shtml